I know I haven’t written in a while. Pardon me, but I’ve been sad. The orange buffoon has shattered my vision of humanity, and I’m struggling to break through the darkness that is despair.
So, another school shooting today. I have to ask – what’s the big deal? I mean, it’s not like we really want to do anything about it, right? Who cares anymore? Certainly not our lawmakers, certainly not the members of the gun cult. It’s just dead kids, right? We have to accept this as an inconvenience of American life, like taxes and traffic jams.
I hate to admit this, but I’ve become blase’ about the whole gun thing. I used to get angry, heartbroken, scared, and would participate in one-sided maniacal shouting sessions at TV news coverage of dead children and murdered-at-the-hands-of-the-police Black People. It was exhausting for me, a middle-aged white grandmother, to care so deeply and oppose so vehemently, death by firearms. Now I just feel hopelessness.
Do not misunderstand me. My husband has an arsenal scattered amongst my tchotchkes in our home. He is responsible enough to put away the easily accessible ones when the Grands visit. The rest are locked away, inventoried and waiting for the day that he is gone and I will make rid of them. But I have traveled this country, often alone, and have never felt the need to be armed. I guess that is because of my privilege. I mock him when he slides a pistol into the storage compartment of the car door. He says he’d rather have it and not need it, than need it and not have it. I guess. I just don’t think I need a gun.
What makes a person who is so sensitive – so insecure, become emboldened when they wrap their fingers around the trigger of a weapon? What makes a person (I really should use the male pronouns here, because women do not commit mass shootings) think they can fill in the hole in their confidence, psyche, masculinity or need for attention by killing innocents with a weapon of war? Blame the unfulfilled need for power and control? Blame the patriarchy? You betcha!
Those of you reading who say in order to value life we need to get back to god/read the bible in school/arm teachers…bite me. What we lack in this country is moral guidance, not religion. We need little boys to be taught that it is not OK to lash out aggressively towards their female classmates. We need them to be able to understand the meaning of “No” and not be shattered by it. And we need little girls to be taught that male aggression does not mean “he likes you”.
I don’t know anymore what it will take to solve this problem. I just don’t know. Call me a coward, a quitter. But for today, I’m gonna sit here in my comfortable privilege and not give a damn. I am doing this to shield my emotions from the terror that is all around us. I’m tired of the Marches. I’m tired of calling and writing Congress.
Tots and Pears people.